Oh Satire, You Slay Me

Only in America I say.  Only in America can a man like Barack Obama be elected President.  President!  They would never have this kind of thing in other nations.  Communist Russia? No.  Nazi Germany?  Hell no!  Spain?  Pfft!  It's true, it's 100% true!  There is no other country, past, present, past imperfect, subjunctive, or future that would ever elect a man like Barack Obama; America is the only country that would ever tolerate such a ridiculous name.

Barack Hussien Obama.

What was his mother thinking when she named him?  Barack Hussien Obama is a name that was just destined to be mocked, rhymed with, and joked upon.  And didn't she know that someday in the distant future that two out of three of his names would turn out to also be the names two enemies of the United States; Sadam Hussien and Osama Bin Laden (it's close, okay?)?  It seems to me that Barack's mom, Sadam's mother, and Osama's mama were all in cahoots!  I imagine that somewhere out there there's a fourth party.  Another terrorist leader perhaps?  Maybe a radical neo-Nazi?  Josef Barack?  Barack van Damme?  Is Cher's full name perhaps "Cher Barack"?  Horrifying.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying Barack Obama is a terrorist, or even foreign.  I'm just saying his name is quite ridiculous.  If this guy saw his name, he'd get a boner and then probably ask for his number.

But Barack is right!  It's time for a change!  It's about damn time that silly-named people have a chance to do something!  For years they've been oppressed by normal-named people, and it's just not fair!  All the Melvin Moras, Mike Hunts, Jack Mihoffs, and George Nipples of the world can now rejoice!  The world now views you, yes you Wendy Bottom, as real people.  All those who fought during the Silly-Name Rights Movement of the 1950s haven't had a prouder moment.  I saw many of them weeping gently last night on my television screen.  Not so much  literally crying on my television, but within the bounds of the screens projection.  When once these people were our inferiors and our slaves, one of them is now our president.  When once they were judged on the pronunciation of their name, not by the content of their character, we now look beyond the cover, but to the pages.  When once they had their own restrooms, water fountains, and schools, they now live with and among us.  This is change.  This is the America I want to be a part of.

Congratulations Barack Hussien Obama.  You are a true hero and a pioneer for silly-named people everywhere.

Peace & Love Homedawgs!