Black Friday

Today was Black Friday, one of the most fun days of the year.  The name Black Friday is pretty self explanatory, I think.  But for those of you who are a little slow in the chrome dome; Black Friday is a day to celebrate black heritage.  This Black Friday was celebrated passionately across the country.

In California two men celebrated Black Friday by killing each other in a bout of gang violence.  A Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by a group of  anxious celebrators in New York.  I celebrated Black Friday by wearing face black and pretending to have magical powers, and shopping at Marshall's.

I'm glad we have this day to celebrate these peoples.  They're an intricate and stabilizing part of American society and culture.  Without them how would we have the clothes we wear?  At least the clothes made out of cotton...

Sadly, there lots of people who mock this holiday.  Many stores across the country drop prices ridiculously low in "celebration" of Black Friday.  They think they're being ironic by selling cheap stuff on a day celebrating black people.  These stores believe the only way for black people to be able to buy things is if the prices are Quadruple-Wal-Mart discounted.  Black people aren't poor!  That's such an slanderous stereotype!  And what's more, they open the stores extra early and have six hour morning sales in mockery of black people.  They know black people hate waking up early!  It's just icing on the grits-cake.  Cornbread.  Sorry.  Watermelon.  Goddamn tourettes finger.

Well, Happy Black Friday!

(P.S. I hope we have a white Christmas- I can go on for days about white people.  Fucking honkies.)