Life's Greatest Questions

Why 

don't

people 

live 

in 

castles 

anymore?

I Fucking Hate...

People who think they know anything about films.

Now this may sound snobbish and rancorous, since I consider myself a film-lover myself, but people are just so moronic.  And it's not like I expect everyone to have an extensive film knowledge, or to have seen every movie, people just think they're so fucking sophisticated and astute because they can toss out the same stupid fucking lines that they read in Rolling Stone magazine or heard from their friend or some shit.

I cannot, I CANNOT tell you how many times I hear people say things like, "I love indie movies!  Have you seen Donnie Darko?!"

Shut the fuck up! We've all seen fucking Donnie Darko!  And just because you've seen Donnie Darko it doesn't make you fucking cool or an indie film lover!  That's one fucking indie flick!  One!  And it sure as fuck isn't cool to say Donnie Darko is your favorite movie or name your kid after him.  Let's be fucking real, it was good, but there are better movies out there.  We all know it.  Just because you belong to the Donnie Darko cult it doesn't mean you need to treat it as a fucking deity.

That's not really my biggest gripe though.  It's that this conversation often continues on to other stereotypical films that every college aged student has most surely seen, or at least heard of, and yet they think they're the only one who's seen them.  So it doesn't make you fucking cool or unique that you've seen the same damn five movies they sell at Urban Outfitters along with every other non-freethinking, lifestyle conforming fool that has stepped foot inside the store.

Yesterday I was unfortunately in a conversation about music with two kids who seemed way to passionate about Radiohead.  I like Radiohead, but I wanted to blow my brains out listening to them talk about Radiohead.  The conversation somehow switched from Radiohead to movies and the film Brick was brought up.  I wish we had stuck to Radiohead.  Their conversation went something like this.

Fucktard A: "Have you seen Brick?"

Fucktard B: "Yah." (this is the kind of "yeah" that sounds more like the sound you say when the doctor says "Open up and say 'Ah')

Fucktard A: "I love that movie"

Fucktard B: "Yah, they need to make more new film noir like that"

Fucktard A: "Yah."

Fucktard B: "Yah."

Fucktard A: "Yah."

They droned "Yahs" back in forth for a good minute until one of them just randomly started listing movies and the other just responded with "Yah."

All I could do was think about the nearest cliff and where to buy moonshoes.

Dear Reader:

I'm currently working on a short story, it's going to be pretty long, it's probably going to take up all of my writing free time.

I'll put up some excerpts maybe?

I need a bigger following.

Someone dye my skin brown and give me a microphone!

Sobriety

Well, now that I'm officially not on thrill pills anymore I can finally get back to good old-fashioned writing.  Instead of writing about things like day concepts and corrupt governors I'll write about more normal things like jackets and peninsulas.

I wonder if everyone was honest all the time if the world would be a better place...

A Picture Says a Thousand Turkey Sandwiches

I've decided to take full advantage of my temporary drug use.

Have you ever though of the concept of days?  The calendar version of them.  We have names and numbers for our days with the help of calendars.  Wednesday the 3rd.  Friday the 32nd. Days organize our lives into small sections of an enormous whole:  

Section A: Monday.  On Mondays I go jogging.  

Section B: Tuesday.  On Tuesdays I feed the whale.

Etcetera etcetera.

Days allow us to keep track of the things we do, plan to do, or have done.

Imagine a world without days.  How would we ever know when we don't have work?  When stores close absurdly early for no reason?  The world would be chaos.  Stretches of time couldn't be marked by anything comprehensible and there would be mass confusion.  Time would just go on until it ended.  There would be no breaks in it.  Days make life feel longer.  We don't just live.  We live year by year, week by week, day by day.  Each section of time is a new frame of reference a new aefanfae

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The Supporting Cast

So the Governor of Illinois was finally impeached today.

He made a speech, and brought with him a hefty supporting cast.

The Governor declared his outrage for his impeachment with his team of "outlaws" standing strong by his side.  The Governor said he would fight the impeachment with the help of the Fantastic Four, a fatherless Spanish family, an angry old black man, a concerned-looking cripple, and a dead child.  Critics agree that the assembled team is indomitable, and a long and arduous fight lies ahead.

As questions poured in to Governor Blagojevich from the hounding media he grew inpatient.  "You fuck with me, you're going going to answer to them," he spat, pointing to his Outlaws(above), "See what they did to that child?  They killed him.  And that's what they'll do to you if you impeach me."

Governor Blagojevich strategy of using threats as a means of staying in office is befitting of his tenure as Governor.  This past summer after the release of The Dark Knight, Governor Blagojevich assembled a hit team to "seek and destroy the Batman" who "dwelled in Illinois' corrupt and dangerous Gotham City."  This incident both raised questions of his intelligence as well as his sanity.  While Gotham City is portrayed by the likeliness of Chicago, it is not actually within the bounds of Illinois, and is in fact entirely fictitious and fantastic.

I'm too drugged to continue.

<3>

I Am a Pizza

So I've spend about twenty minutes now listening to songs about pizza.  Kind of weird? No! Kind of delicious!

And if there's one thing I've learned it's that deaf people and children should not be allowed to make pizza.

Who IS this guy!?

Japanese people + Italian food= Acid Trip.  Japanese people make terrible Italians.

Russian guys with beards love pizza.  His YouTube user name is even PizzaDude25.  Apparently in Rome pizza tastes like the Pope.  Who knew?

I really think all that radiation got to the Japanese's heads.  Our bad.

Where do I get one of these?!  This is really conveinent for blind people who need the directions to make a pizza sang to them.