The American Siesta

Today I read an interesting little piece in the New York times about naps.  A professor at Cornell was quoted as saying that naps should have the same status as daily exercise.  Now, in America exercising is hugely popular.  People love to exercise because it makes them feel and look good.  Well apparently napping can do the same. So I'm proposing THE AMERICAN SIESTA!

Everyday at 3 P.M. (local time) there will be siesta, a time for people who would like to nap, can nap.  There will be a break in work for 30 min at this time when employees can choose either to nap or to work through the siesta.

I cannot seem to understand how a country like Mexico does something so simple, so smart, so much better than America does.  We are failing in the nap/siesta department.

It is time for a change in American culture.  It is time for THE SIESTA!

Snaps and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

I mean... come on.

WATCH

The news anchor says it all:"How is that even a record?"

 Anything can be in the Guinness Book of World Records these days.  Don't they have any dignity anymore?  Any standards?  They let people in for being short!  How is that even a record?!  What did they achieve?!  

How do approach some one about this (the above) record? "Hey kid, that's a lot of snails.  We should put you in a book!  But not any book. No!  A book full of freaks and oddities and people who can lift cars over their heads and throw them.  A book documenting some of the greatest feats of human physical and mental achievement!  You belong in that book, snail boy."

I'm going to attempt to break the record for most sandwiches seen.

Tisk, tisk Guinness.  You should be ashamed. 

Introducing:

:@(

The swine flu emoticon!

(I'm a little late to the game)

Note to Maureen Dowd: Don't steal my pig face.

Digital Protest

If there's one thing technology has destroyed in America, it's the opportunity for social change.  Rather than people going out and speaking their mind in public forums, in face-to-face deliberation, people go on website like Twitter, or Blogspot.com and write about social issues.  They write.

Today more people write about change then actually taking action, or speaking out for their beliefs.

We will never make progress if all we do is talk, or in this case write.

The words of some poor sucker on a blog, in the company of millions of other unread blogs, can never compare to the spoken word and the actions of those who fought for change before us.

We will never progress into a brighter, more life-fulfilling future if we reserve our quarrels of the state of things for the dungeons of discourse: the bandwidth and pixels of the internet.

We did not gain these freedoms which we are granted in the Constitution through digital protest.  We will never gain any freedoms through such means.  Men fought and died to better the future.  Now men merely type and bemoan over keyboards.

So I say, go forth!  Speak your mind!  Change the world.

Written Noise 2.0

I haven't posted in a while, but I'm in the planning of Written Noise 2.0, which will be a much better blog.  It will be better because:

• There will be less frequent and unnecessary cursing
• Less points made with no support
• Less angry rants
• Less Mexican influence
• More fun!
• More intense!
• More pizza!
• More creativity!

And finally, there will be less bullet points.

Basically Written Noise 2.0 (I also toyed with Written Noise Revolution, Written Noise 720, Written Noise Box, Written N64, and Noisecast) will be a legit sketchbook for words, less bullshit and more substance and creativity so that I can push Written Noise to the masses, aka... promote around campus and around San Diego.

Get excited reader.

bye!

Bye! 

Econonomy

I hate the economy.  

Can we please just abolish multi-national corporations, banks, and just localize everything?  I feel like all the big-boys are the ones suffering now, and there also the ones laying people off, obviously because they employ the most people, but all I've heard about is GM this, Citi-Group that, Starbucks, General Electric, etc.  Valencia's taco shop down the road isn't closing, I'm sure it's doing just fine.  Fiji Yogurt, a small frozen yogurt shop, has four locations now, it's doing great.  I was at a small Mexican restaurant early Saturday afternoon and it was packed.  I was at a small local cafe at 1 AM the other night, also packed.

So, let's see some more small businesses!  I'm sure there are so many ridiculous and completely unnecessarily complicated reasons why it's hard to start a small business now, but it should be done anyway!

I really don't care about any of the actual science behind business, but having a company that spans entire countries, or the world just seems unmanageable.  I don't know or care how they do it, but I just feel, generally speaking, it would be easier to manage at a smaller scale.  Jobs wouldn't be so easily expendable if managers knew all their employees and they weren't just a number on a sheet of paper being fired from corporate headquarters 2,000 miles away.

When I was a kid I feel like every store I shopped at was a local store, and that seemed fine with me.  Now there are chains everywhere, and because they're so prevalent and cheap we think it's great, but I get the sense we could really do without them.  I think, historically speaking, everything that's ever gotten too big and powerful has failed.  The Roman Empire, all those Chinese dynasties, the Yankees dynasties, Nazi Germany, etc etc.  There can't be any such thing as exponential growth forever.  It just doesn't make sense in any type of industry or... anything in life.  

So let the big companies fail!  Then all those people who lose their jobs can start new stores in their home towns.  Say you work for Toys-R-Us, if you lose you job, start a new toy store, bring along a few coworkers too.  Sure, it takes money and hard work, but this is America, we were built on hard work.  

I'm not sure if this makes any sense economically or whatever, but I don't care.  That isn't the point.  This is the point of view of some one who doesn't know the first thing about "business," that's the point, maybe the answer to our problems lays outside the view of business types.  Maybe someone creative should shoot some ideas at some CEOs or something.  I don't know.  I didn't really think any of this out, it's just thought vomit.

Also!  Big companies=big greed.  The guys at the top make so much money, then they complain about losing money, obviously that's been pointed out, but it seems like these companies exist for the top people to live the high life more than to provide some kind of service to the people.  Someone who knows about this stuff should translate this into something that makes sense numerically.  That'd be cool.

Okay, BYE!

(this is the most incoherent blog ever)

The Idealist

Imagine if every celebrity based magazine and entertainment news reporter instead reported real news.  And imagine if every person who bought a celebrity magazine, or watched E!, Entertainment Tonight, or Extra! instead read or watched real news.

Imagine how much better the world would be.

Life's Greatest Questions

Why 

don't

people 

live 

in 

castles 

anymore?

I Fucking Hate...

People who think they know anything about films.

Now this may sound snobbish and rancorous, since I consider myself a film-lover myself, but people are just so moronic.  And it's not like I expect everyone to have an extensive film knowledge, or to have seen every movie, people just think they're so fucking sophisticated and astute because they can toss out the same stupid fucking lines that they read in Rolling Stone magazine or heard from their friend or some shit.

I cannot, I CANNOT tell you how many times I hear people say things like, "I love indie movies!  Have you seen Donnie Darko?!"

Shut the fuck up! We've all seen fucking Donnie Darko!  And just because you've seen Donnie Darko it doesn't make you fucking cool or an indie film lover!  That's one fucking indie flick!  One!  And it sure as fuck isn't cool to say Donnie Darko is your favorite movie or name your kid after him.  Let's be fucking real, it was good, but there are better movies out there.  We all know it.  Just because you belong to the Donnie Darko cult it doesn't mean you need to treat it as a fucking deity.

That's not really my biggest gripe though.  It's that this conversation often continues on to other stereotypical films that every college aged student has most surely seen, or at least heard of, and yet they think they're the only one who's seen them.  So it doesn't make you fucking cool or unique that you've seen the same damn five movies they sell at Urban Outfitters along with every other non-freethinking, lifestyle conforming fool that has stepped foot inside the store.

Yesterday I was unfortunately in a conversation about music with two kids who seemed way to passionate about Radiohead.  I like Radiohead, but I wanted to blow my brains out listening to them talk about Radiohead.  The conversation somehow switched from Radiohead to movies and the film Brick was brought up.  I wish we had stuck to Radiohead.  Their conversation went something like this.

Fucktard A: "Have you seen Brick?"

Fucktard B: "Yah." (this is the kind of "yeah" that sounds more like the sound you say when the doctor says "Open up and say 'Ah')

Fucktard A: "I love that movie"

Fucktard B: "Yah, they need to make more new film noir like that"

Fucktard A: "Yah."

Fucktard B: "Yah."

Fucktard A: "Yah."

They droned "Yahs" back in forth for a good minute until one of them just randomly started listing movies and the other just responded with "Yah."

All I could do was think about the nearest cliff and where to buy moonshoes.

Dear Reader:

I'm currently working on a short story, it's going to be pretty long, it's probably going to take up all of my writing free time.

I'll put up some excerpts maybe?

I need a bigger following.

Someone dye my skin brown and give me a microphone!

Sobriety

Well, now that I'm officially not on thrill pills anymore I can finally get back to good old-fashioned writing.  Instead of writing about things like day concepts and corrupt governors I'll write about more normal things like jackets and peninsulas.

I wonder if everyone was honest all the time if the world would be a better place...

A Picture Says a Thousand Turkey Sandwiches

I've decided to take full advantage of my temporary drug use.

Have you ever though of the concept of days?  The calendar version of them.  We have names and numbers for our days with the help of calendars.  Wednesday the 3rd.  Friday the 32nd. Days organize our lives into small sections of an enormous whole:  

Section A: Monday.  On Mondays I go jogging.  

Section B: Tuesday.  On Tuesdays I feed the whale.

Etcetera etcetera.

Days allow us to keep track of the things we do, plan to do, or have done.

Imagine a world without days.  How would we ever know when we don't have work?  When stores close absurdly early for no reason?  The world would be chaos.  Stretches of time couldn't be marked by anything comprehensible and there would be mass confusion.  Time would just go on until it ended.  There would be no breaks in it.  Days make life feel longer.  We don't just live.  We live year by year, week by week, day by day.  Each section of time is a new frame of reference a new aefanfae

ekajf ea

eawjf wfopafoapp f 

The Supporting Cast

So the Governor of Illinois was finally impeached today.

He made a speech, and brought with him a hefty supporting cast.

The Governor declared his outrage for his impeachment with his team of "outlaws" standing strong by his side.  The Governor said he would fight the impeachment with the help of the Fantastic Four, a fatherless Spanish family, an angry old black man, a concerned-looking cripple, and a dead child.  Critics agree that the assembled team is indomitable, and a long and arduous fight lies ahead.

As questions poured in to Governor Blagojevich from the hounding media he grew inpatient.  "You fuck with me, you're going going to answer to them," he spat, pointing to his Outlaws(above), "See what they did to that child?  They killed him.  And that's what they'll do to you if you impeach me."

Governor Blagojevich strategy of using threats as a means of staying in office is befitting of his tenure as Governor.  This past summer after the release of The Dark Knight, Governor Blagojevich assembled a hit team to "seek and destroy the Batman" who "dwelled in Illinois' corrupt and dangerous Gotham City."  This incident both raised questions of his intelligence as well as his sanity.  While Gotham City is portrayed by the likeliness of Chicago, it is not actually within the bounds of Illinois, and is in fact entirely fictitious and fantastic.

I'm too drugged to continue.

<3>

I Am a Pizza

So I've spend about twenty minutes now listening to songs about pizza.  Kind of weird? No! Kind of delicious!

And if there's one thing I've learned it's that deaf people and children should not be allowed to make pizza.

Who IS this guy!?

Japanese people + Italian food= Acid Trip.  Japanese people make terrible Italians.

Russian guys with beards love pizza.  His YouTube user name is even PizzaDude25.  Apparently in Rome pizza tastes like the Pope.  Who knew?

I really think all that radiation got to the Japanese's heads.  Our bad.

Where do I get one of these?!  This is really conveinent for blind people who need the directions to make a pizza sang to them.